a little hiatus

why, when i am busy, can i find the time to blog, but when i am unemployed, can i not? is it that i don't wish to be introspective when i have no job because i fear i have no purpose?

i've been on several job interviews lately and they are depressing things. people are not deceived about my expertise. i am not really a senior developer. i am more senior than junior, but i have gaps in my knowledge and i am mentally lazy and do not want to investigate deeper or learn any more about my subject. plus, today at least i am sick and it reduces the amount i give a shit, and probably friday as well, when i was starting to come down with this, that was the case also.

i have a monster cold sore on my upper lip, not actually on the lip like usual but instead higher up so it looks like half a mustache. hooray! good look for me.

and finally, today, because i was talking on the phone when i was driving, i scraped the front of the car against a pylon in the garage when i was pulling out, and i pulled the front left plastic protective thingy off the wheel well. i burst into tears and cried hard over this, because my lovely perfect little car is now crapified. it was perfect and i ruined it! i was so, SO upset. i tried to take the car up to the place i bought it to have it fixed but i couldn't find my way up there. i thought i knew how to go but just drove and drove until i found myself in wayne, nj, whereupon i just fucking turned around and went back home. it was getting on toward 5pm and it was already pretty trafficky and it was only going to get worse at rush hour. i figured i'd head up there first thing tomorrow instead.

i came home and went to bed, and slept for a good 2 hours, and although i don't feel any better now, uh, ... not sure how to wrap that up into a nice optimistic statement. life is kind of crappy today and not looking like it will be better soon. although, adam will be home soon i hope, and that will help things a lot.