ack!

i was laid off! i was totally not expecting it ... and yet. i've been bitching about my job for months now, hating it, saying i wanted to quit. and i'm someone who needs a kick in the butt to get going sometimes, especially in situations where there are things that i still like about it. i loved my coworkers (and loved to bitch about them too), and certainly liked the money, and hadn't come up with a viable plan yet. so they let me go. it was weird. on monday night they called this meeting for tuesday at noon, and in the meeting they said they were doing some reorganizing and some people would be cut. i'd heard a rumor about cutbacks but nothing about our group, and thought we were safe. but after the meeting when we all went back to our desks, my coworkers got an email invite to a meeting at 5pm and i didn't get the invite. and then i knew.

i went to a program meeting after my "exit interview" and shared how i was actually excited because i could tell this was HP doing for me what i couldn't do for myself. and i do think that.

they gave us till the end of business the following day to get our stuff; they gave us memory sticks to get personal files off our laptops and whatnot. i went back in the next day and it started to hit me then. i felt lonely and somewhat alienated, and my laptop took forever to delete files and copy them and the process of cleaning up everything seemed like it would never end. i just wanted to get out of there, but my laptop wasn't cooperating. it was mighty frustrating. finally i got all my stuff together and adam walked me down to the car and helped me put my bike in. i'd kept my bike in the city to zip around after work, to errands and stuff, but there's no reason to keep it there now! and finally i cried in the elevator on the way down - i felt very sad saying goodbye - so suddenly, too - to people i've worked with for THREE YEARS. it was just abrupt. but that is probably the best way - like pulling off a band-aid.

yesterday was my first full day at home. adam stayed home from work, claiming he had "fuck-all" to do there, so it wasn't so jarring. it was great having him here. he played D&D all day and periodically i went into his study and sat in there with him. i needed the company.

today he got up and went to work, though, so i am on my own here for the first time. and i have to make a plan. that is my plan for the day - to make a plan. i wrote out a to-do list (including, housewife-like, "take adam's shirts to the cleaner's") and intend to cross some things off it by day's end.

some of my local yarn stores (LYSs)

courtesy of annie modesitt dot com. she has a neat "ruffled roses scarf" pattern that you can only get by stopping into a LYS. kind of a cool conceit, imho. not to mention a beautiful scarf, and i want one.

Knitting Stores in CT:

Sit and Knit
10 Lasalle Rd
West Hartford, CT 06107
860 232-9276

Yarn Knit All!
26 Church Street
Naugatuck, CT 06770
203-723-9276

Knit Together (about 50 mi from home, making "local" kind of a relative term)
111 High Ridge Rd.
Stamford, CT 06905
203-324-9276

Knitting Stores in NJ (distance from home):

Accents On Knits
36 Speedwell
Morristown
973-829-9944

All About Yarn (16 mi)
303 Millburn Ave.
Millburn, NJ 07041
973-379-9118

Aunt Jean's Handiworks (50 mi)
38 Center St.
Clinton, NJ 08809
908-713-0101

Close Knit (17 mi)
North Maple Avenue
Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey 07423

Collective Yarns (28 mi)
Brookside, NJ 07926
973-895-5528

Creations n' Things, Inc. (16 mi)
358 Kinderkamack Road
Emerson, NJ 07630
201-262-2223
Closed Sundays and Mondays

Creative Knitworks (17 mi)
92 Broadway
Hillsdale, NJ 07642
201) 664-KNIT

Elly's Knit 'n' Rest (4 mi)
16 Church St.
Montclair, NJ 07042
973-744-1034

Fiber Arts Studio and Yarn Shop (158 mi)
315 Ocean St. Suite #23
Cape May, NJ 08204
609-898-8080

Granny's Knitting Bag (14 mi)
619 Palisade Avenue
Cliffside Park, NJ 07010
201-840-0500

Handknits (17 mi)
55 North Dean St.
2nd Floor
Englewood, NJ 07030
201-567-9885

Jubili Beads & Yarns (94 mi)
713 Haddon Ave
Collingswood, NJ 08108
856-858-7844

Knit 1 Purl 2 (58 mi)
345 Route 9 South
Manalapan, NJ 07726
732-577-9276

Knit-a-Bit (21 mi)
66 Elm Street
Westfield, NJ 07090
908-301-0053

Knit and Purl (46 mi)
133 Route 9 South
(across from Marlboro Plaza)
Englishtown, NJ 07726
732-536-6050

Knit-and-Stitch (14 mi)
155 Maplewood Ave.
Suite 6, Box 353
Maplewood, NJ 07040
973-761-8585
Open Tues-Friday 10:30-5:30, Sat 10-5

The Knit Kit (31 mi)
1996 Route 27 #7
Edison, NJ 08817
732-287-8177

Knitter's Workshop (19 mi)
345 North Avenue West
Garwood, NJ 07027
908-789-1333
hours 10-5 Tues-Sat

The Knitting Basket (21 mi)
26 Diamond Spring Road
Denville, NJ 07834
973-983-5648

The Knitting Gallery (47 mi)
at The Courtyard
27 Rt. 34 N.
Colts Neck, NJ 07722-0303
732-294-YARN (9276)

Knitting Knook (89 mi)
25 E. Main Street
Marlton, NJ 08053
856-985-8042

The Knitting Niche (130 mi)
1330 Asbury Ave.
Ocean City, NJ 08226
609-399-5111

The Knitting Station (49 mi)
39A John Paul Jones Drive,
Monroe Twp, NJ 08831
609-371-1280

the knitting store (89 mi)
1871 Route 70 East
#14 Heritage Square
Cherry Hill, NJ 08003
856-751-7750

Knitting To Go at Glenmarle Woolworks (55 mi)
301 North Harrison Street
The Princeton Shopping Center
Princeton, NJ 08540
609-921-8009

The Little Knit Shoppe, Inc. (133 mi)
205 33rd Street South
Brigantine, NJ 08203
609-266-9500

Madison Yarn Shop (25 mi)
19 Central Ave.
Madison, NJ 07940
201-377-2442

Modern Yarn (4 mi)
32A Church St
Montclair, NJ
973-509-9276

Needles 'n Things (63 mi)
1108 Main Street
Belmar, NJ
732-681-6363
Tues-Sat 10:00am-5:30pm Wed. open until 8:00pm.

The Needleworks Barn (85 mi)
123 E. Main St.
Moorestown, NJ 08057
609-235-7640
Mon-Fri 10-5, Sat 10-3 (closed Sat in Aug)

Nonna's Yarn Cafe (21 mi)
26 Bloomfield Ave
Denville, NJ 07834
973-983-9276
Open Mon- Saturday 11:00 - 6:00 Tuesday & Thurday 11:00 - 8:00

Patricia's Yarns (12 mi)
728 Washington Street
Hoboken, NJ 07030
201-217-9276
Tues-Thurs: 12-8; Fri-Sun: 12-6

Pins and Needles (55 mi)
8 Chambers St.
Princeton, NJ 08542
609-921-9075
Open Tuesday through Saturday from 10:00-5:00, Thursdays till 8:00, Sundays 12:00-5:00

The Skein Attraction (14 mi)
500 Cedar Lane
Teaneck, NJ 07666
201-836-5648

The Spinnery (51 mi)
1369 Rt # 202 North,
Neshanic Station, NJ 08853
908-369-3260

The Stitching Bee (22 mi)
240a Main Street
Chatham, NJ 07928
973-635-6691

Stix N Stitches (4 mi)
211 Glenridge Ave
Montclair, NJ 07042
973-796-2860
Tues.,Wed.,Fri,Sat. 10-5 Thur.-10-9 (Sit & Knit 7-9), Sun. 11-5. Closed Mondays.

Time To Knit (19 mi)
413 Main Street
Boonton, NJ 07005
973-263-5033

Wanderings (35 mi)
1944 Washington Valley Road
Martinsville, NJ 08836
732-469-3944
Open daily, except Wednesday and Sunday, from 10:00am-4:00pm

The Wheelwright (22 mi)
227 Mahwah Rd.
Mahwah, NJ

Woolbearers (78 mi)
25 Church Street
Mt. Holly, NJ 08060
609-914-0003

Woolplay (92 mi)
22 North Haddon Avenue
Haddonfield, NJ 08033
856-428-0110

Wooly Monmouth (48 mi)
9 Monmouth Street
Red Bank, NJ 07701
732-224-9276

Yarn Bazaar (57 mi)
West Windsor, NJ
609-275-0475

Yarn Crafters (47 mi)
Chadwick Square
3333 Highway 9 North
Freehold, NJ 07728
732-308-0181

A Yarn For All Seasons (35 mi)
1944 Washington Valley Road
Martinsville, NJ 08836
732-560-1111
Open Tues-Sat. from 10 AM-4 PM.

Yarn Loft (38 mi)
580 Route 15 (Lafayette Road)
Sparta, NJ 07871
973-383-6667

Yarnware.com (15 mi)
627 Eagle Rock Avenue
West Orange, NJ 07052
973-669-0372

Knitting Stores in NY:

Have You Any Wool
Buffalo, NY

Knit New York
307 E 14th St
NY, NY 10003
212 387 0707

Knitty City
208 West 79th Street
New York, NY 10024
212 - PURLTWO

Rainbow Sheep Shpw
12 Four Sisters Lane
Port Ewen, NY 12466
845-532-0152

Cornwall Yarn Shop
10 Torrey Lane
Cornwall, NY 12518
845-534-0383

Countrywool
59 Spring Rd
Hudson, NY 12534
(518)828-4554

In-Stitches
4639 Glencliffe Road
Manlius, NY 13014
315-682-8087

Yarns N' More
2723 East Main
Endwell, NY 13760
607-785-2658

Wild Wools
732 South Ave
Rochester, NY 14620
585-271-0960

Q&A from 4HWW*

CHAPTER 2.
1. How has being "realistic" or "responsible" kept you from the life you want?

realistic:

i have a low expectation of what kind of replacement job i can get, so i don't even look, much less quit a job i dislike.

i think i need to know how much i will have coming in, and when to expect it, to feel safe with impending bills.

responsible:

i have a lot of bills that i need to make sure i can pay.

if i don't stay on the treadmill it will be really hard to get back on. when i was unemployed for 15 months i had to take a job that was beneath my skill level in order to get back into the working world, and had to work my way back up.

if i take a break from my "chosen" career i will get (even further) behind my peers and will never catch up.

2. How has doing what you "should" resulted in subpar experiences or regret for not doing something?

i could have run up credit cards and or sold my apartment and dove into creating the knitting cafe, which if i had i could have had the name i wanted and the honor of being first with the idea. but i felt risking my entire nest egg was foolhardy. plus i move too slowly. what's that about?

i could have just GONE to france and worked on getting a job once i was there, instead of waiting to get a job first. but i didn't have enough confidence i could do it.

3. Look at what you're currently doing and ask, "What would happen if I did the opposite of the people around me? What will I sacrifice if I continue on this track for 5, 10, or 20 years?"

god, the thought of staying on this track for even 5, much less 10 or 20 more years is soul-crushing. i don't want to end up like my coworker e---; he seems okay with his choices, but is derided by his colleagues. plus he seems somewhat unhappy or at least aware that he's not highly respected. i don't want to be 20+ years older than my peers (i'm already 10+ years old and don't much care for it anymore), and STILL trying to catch up!

i want to try new things and learn new skills and go back to school in a whole new area - like chem or french or something. i want to have my own shop (though i don't want to work in it). i want to get involved in local politics, maybe. i want to go back to karate and finish getting my black belt. i want to learn to rock climb. i want to skydive.

if i do the opposite of the people around me i will never get expert in my current field. and i don't give a damn about that! i have this downtime at work right now and i don't have any interest in boning up on my career subject matter!

CHAPTER 3.
1. Define your nightmare - what is the worst that could happen?

a. unemployed and no money coming in. new business ideas don't pan out and i can't find a new job.
b. have to sell the house and spend all the proceeds to live on.
c. adam leaves me.
d. i can't afford meds and get disablingly depressed.
e. i have to move in with my brother or my parents.

What would be the permanent (or really long term) impact on a scale of 1-10?

a. have to start all over on savings (but i don't have a huge amount anyway right now) - 2
b. have to start over on equity - 6
c. have to get over losing adam and find somebody new - 6
(i've spent a lot of time alone, i've been single for long periods, i can handle it, it would just suck for a long time.)
d. ultimately, no effect. i'd get meds again. i'd be okay (0) unless i kill myself (10)
e. have to eat crow and deal with impertinent questions about how things are going getting my shit back together - 4

How likely is it they'd really happen?

a - 3 - it's happened before, so i know it CAN happen.
b - 1 - it's so unlikely it's not even a real fear.
c - 2 or 3 - he wouldn't want to, but it's not IMPOSSIBLE.
d - 0 - i would actually place meds before electricity.
e - 1 - same as b. can't really imagine it happening.

* 4HWW = The 4-Hour Workweek, by Timothy Ferris. My current change-your-life script.

goals, draft 2

start one or more online businesses that provide enough income to ...

quit my job

pass first level of master knitter program

make a nice back yard

lose weight

i have been taking actions toward these goals, well, all except the weight loss one. ugh. even the willingness to work on that one eludes me lately.

i don't know if i want to start an online yarn store, and i took it off the list. i have been having second thoughts about it; it seems like a lot of work for not a lot of payoff. it might be nice to have a good "brick-and-mortar" yarn store nearby, and right now where i live there isn't one anywhere close. so it might be gratifying to open a yarn store, but i think that's the kind of thing i would be better off doing once i am living off the revenue streams from my other businesses. that's the plan, anyway.

i asked beth to create a design for one of my business ideas. i prefer to keep what it is a secret for now, but i did take the action of enlisting one of the best designers i know to help create the product. i am waiting to hear her response to my request.

i do plan to finish the first level of the masters program, and soon. it plays into another of my business ideas, also remaining private for the moment, though obviously it has to do with knitting! it will be helpful for that to have my masters under way.

as i mentioned, we met with a contractor over the weekend to do work on the back yard. last night we also met with a plumber, who will be doing less glamorous but nevertheless necessary work replacing the boiler before it goes (it's already well past its life span). together the two pieces of work will total about ten grand. i have the money available and earmarked for this purpose, but i will be cleaned out once it's spent. so i need some more coming in, and stat.

once i have enough money coming in and can quit my hated job, i can go back to karate, or hire a personal trainer, or just start jogging or something. right now i have enough to fill my time outside of work with getting to meetings and working on the house. so i need to remove the time sink that is my hated job. to do that, i have to have some alternate income streams. i'm working on that.

party a success.

so adam and i had our first (albeit small) party this weekend in honor of memorial day. it went well. i will describe, but first must provide the approach and landing.

we spent the weekend as we have spent much of the past month-plus: working on the place, but now with adam's eye fixed on the fact that his friends would be seeing the place (so presumably now he cared what it looked like). he pulled up all the nettles in the front yard and raked out the leaves clogging up the ivy out there. i chopped down the shrubbery ("NI!") and planted more stuff in the vegetable patch. i now have spaghetti squash, pumpkin, corn, peas, carrots, tomatoes, and a blackberry bushling. nice, for a couple who don't eat vegetables AT ALL right now. and there are 25 strawberry nubs, or n00bs as we have begun calling them, about to go into the ground. in addition to chopping down the bush i also planted 2 pear trees, one in the back and one in the front.

early yesterday morning i got up and began work chopping down the bush. suddenly i heard a marching band come around the corner and realized there was a parade bearing down on the park across from my house. i went out to the front and sat on the stoop and watched the humble proceedings. look, i just moved to this town-city from NYC, so anything will seem smaller by comparison. there were boy and girl scout troops, cub scouts and brownies, and a group of random onlookers, along with the veterans and the priest. initially i was out there mostly to scowl people away from dropping trash on my plot, but i listened to the speeches and benedictions and i got a tear in my eye for the soldiers being memorialized. it was pretty moving. i hate americans in theoretical mass, but i do love many of us individually and must also admit that i can think of no place better than our land. i am frequently ashamed to be from the same place as george bush, but america does kind of kick ass.

next we had a contractor and a subcontractor come over to look at the back yard to give us an estimate for the masonry work involved in creating the patio. this because i was reading online how-tos about doing it and realized that we're good, we're arrogant, but we're not THAT good and i'm not that arrogant to think we can do it ourselves and not have it turn out looking like crap. and the estimate wasn't bad - not as high as the previous dude i found on craigslist. i have one more guy coming over tonight to estimate as well, and then will decide whom to use. i already took down the project i posted on the contractor bids site.

they left and i finally took a shower. i was pretty gnarly and needed it - i got more sun than i realized while chopping down the bush and it was essential that i get some cooling off. plus i was already well into anger-management problems. i got frustrated trying to unspiral unkink unspool the f**king garden hose and finally took it and smacked the business end of it down on the ground as hard as i could about six times, after which i realized i had broken the spray nozzle. i almost cried when i got a thorn from the damned holly bushes (which i hate) in my hand when putting leaves in a paper bag. so i was feeling a little, uh, crispy.

after my shower i came outside and tried to explain to adam what was going wrong with the garden hose and when he failed to understand what i was talking about i turned on my heel, shot a bird at him over my shoulder, and stalked off. i locked him out of the house* and drove to the grocery store to buy some more last minute things he needed for the cookout. i had become the BADLY BEHAVED GIRL. i came home and he was waiting in the front yard for me, with a small grin on his face.

i have this amazing thing to say for adam: he refuses to let me pick a fight with him. the worse-behaved i am (which i DO try not to do very often), the less he lets a fight erupt. i pulled into the driveway and got out of the car and he came over and gave me a big hug and said the party was going to be fine. when he does things like this it just totally defuses me - and i am not a girl who is quick to defuse. i like to pour good energy time and money after bad to rescue poor decisions and stick by my shite snap judgments. so for me to say adam can defuse me: that's really saying something. it fully makes up for his shortcomings, legion though they may be on occasion.

anyway, the guests arrived, best faces were put forward, and after some booze flowed into the pricklier of them and vicarious relaxation was acquired by me, we all had a pretty nice time. tom and renee brought their wii remotes and we played tennis and boxing and rabid rabbits. it was fun as hell. adam inaugurated the new grill and the meal was fantastic. he cooked steaks and hamburgers and hot dogs. we had cake and watermelon and ice cream. there was lager and hard cider, and softer stuff for yours truly. heather was very complimentary about many aspects of the house, which made me like her better, and everybody got along well.

after all had gone home and we cleaned up everything we agreed that it was a success. i was so glad adam had a good time, and to hear how proud he is of the house and of what we've done with it. it was very gratifying and happy-making.

* P.S. i knew adam could get back in the house, as his car was unlocked and the garage door opener was in there. but it was still pretty goldarned bratty of me.

joke

my coworker just sent me this.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ***** on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"

i'm pushing other people's art, but not making any of my own.

just that. i'm finding awesome things online, building a fantastic blog collection in my reader page on iGoogle, and promoting wonderful and gnarly art knitting projects at other sites like boingboing. but not making anything of my own. i have a picture in my head of me in my studio standing at my work table folding and gluing something made of fabric (and i'm not sure why i am doing that exact task) but i never actually get there.

today i read in the 4-hour workweek about having an automated income stream type business to support you in your other endeavors. i got excited and i may well get there. i don't think i can find a way to do art otherwise; i need some empty time by myself, in the studio during the day, when adam is not at home to distract me.